BurnOutBrighter

This will be my last post about you.
This is my release, from now on I only look forward.
I have to. I won't cry about you anymore.
I'll look back with happiness.
I won't long for you, I'll be happy that you helped me grow.
I wouldn't be the person I am today without you.

So thank you.
For giving me two and a half of the greatest years of my life.
Thank you for being there.
Thank you for all you've done for me.
I'll never forget any of it,
And I still miss you to this day.
I know I'll keep missing you.
That won't stop.
But I can't keep crashing, I can't keep fading back into anger and sadness.
I won't let myself.

You were everything I wanted and needed,
and I thought we'd last forever.
Life got in the way.
The distance got in the way.
But I never stopped loving you.
I still love you. I know I have to stop,
but I'm not fighting my feelings anymore..
I've accepted them all.
I regret nothing.

I'll miss you.
I'll miss the hearts you drew on my wrist.
I'll miss the cold nights we spent in your basement wrapped up in a blanket.
I'll miss the look of surprise on your face when I waited hours for you outside work.
I'll miss the way you felt, how good it felt to hold you, how amazing every kiss was.
I'll miss calling you when I just wanted to talk,
when I needed to hear your voice,
I'll miss baking with you,
and getting into fights where we both ended up with batter all over our faces.
You were everything.
You were all I knew.
And I'm struggling to find my own footing, to find my own ground.
You were my base, and now you're gone.
I have to stand on my own feet.

I don't know what life would have been without you,
but I know I would have been worse off.
You were my light,
my strength,
my hope,
my future.
I know things will never be the same between us again.
Last we talked, we ended on what I thought were good terms.
I guess I was wrong.
I'm sorry for all I did.
I'm sorry for all I put you through.
I was selfish, I was arrogant,
and I won't make excuses for myself anymore.
I'm sorry.
And I hope someday,
you forgive me.
I'm sorry.

I gave you all I had,
I don't know what to do anymore,
But I'll figure it out.
I'm figuring it out.
I'm starting to feel okay again..
Truly okay, not just a mask of indifference.
I've accepted all I'm feeling,
and I know with time I'll make it through.
I have the greatest friends in the world who will help me when I need it.
But this is my own battle, this is my own war.
You have them, and I hope they're all you need.
I lost them. So be it, life goes on.

I'm not sure if you'll ever read this...but..
Thank you for everything, I know I'll never forget you..
I'll never forget us...
I miss you....
I love you...
Maybe some day we'll meet again...
Good luck, I know you'll go far.

Bye babe...
12.12.08..



"I’m not a self-help book; I’m just a fucked up kid.
I had to take my own advice and I did.
Now I’m waiting for it to sink in.

Expect me standing tall, back against the wall,
'Cause what I learned was
It’s not about forcing happiness;
It’s about not letting the sadness win.

I don’t have roses in the closet
But I’ve got pictures in a drawer
It’s everything left in me
Not to stare at them anymore."